Thursday, October 30, 2008


Are you starting to wonder about what to get friends and loved ones for the upcoming christmas? Well how about for christmas 2010? Some may argue that we are only 12 hours in the future over here, and others may argue that that is not how time really works, but the cool others argue for my point of view that China exists somewhere in a hazy anachronistic cloud, dropping temporal artifacts from the past, present, future, meta-future, and pizza time! Our recent trip to Luohu's commercial city, once described as "the other big shopping area in luohu, potentially sketchy and full of fake stuff," opened our eyes to the future of commerce and we got to glimpse a few products that actually don't even yet exist.

For example, while you are busy trying to squeeze your little, past-y "Word Documents" onto 2-4 gig thumb drives, we are busy downloading our entire consciousnesses quickly, and conviently onto 1000 gig usb sticks. Some of the temporal sticklers out there may try to point out that the largest such drives that exist are merely 64 gigs (, but we don't have to worry about such trivial concerns as impossibility here in the CHINAFUTURE! (The drives even have secret little programs on them that open up fake little Windows windows that say "1000 gigas!" just to let you know they are real!

Ignore these signs! These are just to stop tourists who have glimpsed too far into the future too quickly from fainting.
You don't need to see when your head, neck, and part of your chest can be batman.

It is sad to say, but yes, mickey mouse died in the future. Of course, death has been scientifically relegated to "no biggie" status in the future, so he is wishing you caveman a jolly good ol day!

Some of us in the future get so sick of our dirty old heaps of garbage, and instead of just littering our bills around the city like deceased servant corpses, we like to stay "green" and recycle those sweaty wads of cash. You are welcome, Mother Earth.

All restraunts in the future will be named in the manner of "[Facial Hair] [Relative]," so expect some "Moustache Momma"s, "Goatee Third Cousin"s, and "Fu Manchu Nephew"s to pop up in the US within the next 12 hours.
This is about a medium sized on of these. There are so many, and so huge, and so expensive.

FutureNews!: Pogs are coming back!

Soon it will be uncouth to ever drink your coffee while not dressed as a spikey haired anime character.